


The Long Haul

by ziusura



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:29:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ziusura/pseuds/ziusura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varaad hadn't been expecting a letter, especially not from someone he'd seen that morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Haul

**Author's Note:**

> This came from a dialogue prompt for "Why couldn't he have told me himself?" that I swapped to "Why couldn't he have given me this himself?"

Varaad never expected being the Inquisitor would be easy; he’d never say he missed the killing, but he’d done it for so long it was like breathing. But this? Papers and messages and requests that piled high on his desk, the constant worry of not being enough that left his body aching, and the hurt that added on in his heart whenever he wasn’t able to fix something? It wasn’t easy. 

The words on the parchment in front of him had begun to blur together after several minutes of staring without comprehension, and Varaad let out a quiet sigh. He lifted a hand to rub at his tired eyes in the vain hope that he’d be able to at least make a dent in his backlog.

There was a timid knock on his door, and Varaad dropped his hand from his eyes and blinked away the stars. 

“Come in,” he called out, and was completely unsurprised to see one of Leliana’s scouts shuffle into the room; of his companions Dorian was generally the only to visit him, and he was prone to dramatic entrances, and after being hounded by his advisors for so long, Varaad was very good at recognizing which knocks were theirs. 

The scout glanced around the room quickly as she stepped towards Varaad’s desk before drawing his attention towards the letter in her hands. “Message for you, Ser,” she said simply, and passed it off to Varaad’s open hand.

The parchment was heavy against his palm, and had a design decorating its edges that Varaad knew fairly well at this point—it was from his own desk. 

“Who is this from?” 

“Serah Pavus, Ser.” 

Dorian? Varrad shifted his grip on the parchment, and eyed it more closely. “Why couldn’t he have given this to me himself?” he asked, not bothering to try and hide the confusion and concern coloring his voice. They’d been together that morning, before Varaad had looked at the pile of papers on his desk and sighed, and Dorian had laughed his way out of the room to give Varaad quiet. Nothing had seemed out of the ordinary then. 

The scout moved her arms behind her back and looked like she’d rather be anywhere but there, but she maintained eye contact. “I thought you knew, Ser. Left for Tevinter this morning after breaking fast, and asked me to pass on this letter.”

The scout shrunk back suddenly, and Varaad realized he’d stood up to his full height. His instinct was to apologize, but instead he sat back down stiffly and tried to blink back the tears prickling his eyes; an upset Qunari was just as much a joy to be around as a threatening one. 

“Please tell Bull, Cole, and Vivienne to be ready to leave shortly,” Varaad said quietly. Dorian couldn’t have gone far if he’d left that morning. 

The scout bowed and left quickly. 

The door shut with a soft click behind her, and Varaad let out a tight breath. His heart was racing, and nothing but the worst thoughts ran through his head. They’d talked about Dorian returning before, and it couldn’t have been a break-up letter since Dorian hadn’t pulled back his affections, so perhaps this was nothing. Even though he hadn’t said goodbye. 

Varaad turned his eyes towards at the parchment crumpled in his hand, and and slowly released his hand from their clenched fists. He smoothed it out with care, and unfolded it before he could persuade himself otherwise.

> My Dear Amatus,
> 
> Please don’t come after me; I’m strong but I’ll admit I’m not very good at patching my heart back together after tearful goodbyes, hence this letter. It’s an unfortunate flaw in my otherwise perfect self. If you come I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to leave your side again, and I need to.
> 
> As I’m sure you’ve found out, I’m heading back to Tevinter. We’ve talked about this so hopefully I haven’t surprised you too badly with the suddenness, and I really am sorry about that, but this is something I must do. I love Tevinter but it needs to change. I need to change it, because I’m afraid no one else will. 
> 
> Now please don’t make that face I’m sure you are—the one with the sad mabari eyes (yes, you disgusting southerners have managed to make me like those smelly things), and the little wrinkle between your eyebrows you get when you're upset and want to fix something. You know you can’t come too, no matter how much you and I might want you to. I mean, could you imagine the scandal? That altus Dorian of house Pavus bringing his savage qunari boyfriend, and the inquisitor no less, to try and change Tevinter. And I know I know, you’re as much as savage as overcooked bread is, but I’m sure we could’ve made that sweet little face of yours look frightening somehow. Maybe an eyepatch. But alas, you belong in Skyhold with the Inquisition. You’re not done, and I’m certainly not, so this is how it has to be for now. If Leliana and that hero of Ferelden have made it so long in separation, so can we. 
> 
> I know you’ll want to keep tabs on me, and trust me when I say nothing will make me feel safer, so I asked Leliana to before you could. She helped plan my route into Tevinter, and if I felt we could have spared the resources I would have asked Cullen for an escort. Be assured that I will arrive safe—you’ve seen me in action. As if I’d let a robber come near this handsome visage. No, you’ll see me entirely the same again, if not with a few distinguished wrinkles from doing so much good work. 
> 
> I’m so glad to have met you, and I’m happy to continue knowing you. And I—  
> 

There were many scribbled out phrases following and Varaad could just make out the edges of ‘love’ and ‘miss’ and something he thought might say ‘please don’t leave me’ among other words.

> I love you. 
> 
> -Dorian

**Author's Note:**

> Feel to [prompt me](http://stoneanddragons.tumblr.com) and stuff if you want. Thanks for reading!


End file.
